Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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