Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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