After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
