How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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