she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
