after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
