The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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