genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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