Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize