I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
