...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
