i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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