if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
