I'm so fucking centered right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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