I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
