just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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