You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
