Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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