she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
