I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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