Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
