her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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