So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
