You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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