end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
