Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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