I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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