I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
