so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
