I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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