My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
