woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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