Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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