Did you just see the Batmobile???
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
