That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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