I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
