Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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