My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
