my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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