He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES