I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night