It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm getting married
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea