glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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