i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's never too late to be topless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.