Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.