Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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