Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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