you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize