you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
