I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
