I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
