What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
