its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
