and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
