i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
