Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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