there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
