one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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