OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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