I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
