I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
