Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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