You work out of a Hotel?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
