cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
