in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
