I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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