Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
