i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
