Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
