just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
