don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
