The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
