just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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