there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
