this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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