Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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