i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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