If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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