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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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