I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
