I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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