I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Couch. On fire.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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