I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
