Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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