If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
