yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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