Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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